Occasional Fluff ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Actually, it's been a blessing I wrote a lovely entry the other night, but the computer ate it. I won't try to recreate it, but think to yourself what a nice entry it was. Max is in love with a plastic bag. It's his new best friend, and he'll defend it vigorously against Sammie whenever he gets too close (Sammie, of course, is clueless). Max sleeps on it, plays with it, chases it across the room. It's cute. Sammie, on the other hand, has fallen in love with Andy. He hangs out with his "new boyfriend" all the time. If Andy's in the chair, Sammie's on the back. If Andy's on the couch, Sammie presses close to him....always with a paw or two reaching out for a hug. It's so cute to see them, bonding like that. That's what our days are, now. Watching the cats. Cuddling the cats. Feeling guilty about leaving too long for the grocery store because of....the cats. The other day, we went for a long walk in the park. It was early afternoon, a beautiful day with sun and a slight breeze. There were a few other people out, but mostly it was too early for the after-work crowd. The rowers were, um, rowing on the river, and we held hands and walked. I am so grateful for this time together. We have time, time, time, all day, just to be around each other. It's getting hard on Andy, when headhunters don't return calls or haven't read his emails, but selfishly I look at the next several months and hope the job process is slow. We have severance pay, which includes health care, so we're okay for a while. We can live on the severance, just with nothing going in to savings. We looked at selling this house and moving to something smaller, but between the realtor fees and capital gains taxes we just can't afford it. So we're here, until at least April, unless something comes up. I think about the baby, being born in January, and selfishly (it's all selfish, I can't say it enough) I hope that we aren't moving and starting a new job then. The gift of having both of us home with Muffin for a few months is incredible. I don't mean because I'll have someone to help, to change diapers. But Muffin will have time with her mom and dad, time so few babies ever get. I can't help but think that having months to bond with both parents will have a positive effect on her life. The selfish part is that Andy is discouraged. He expects this to go faster, he needs at least one company to be somewhat interested. It's been a couple weeks, and we've seen nothing. I think that's par for the course, in his job and his industry, but he needs a little pat on his ego. I try to be supportive, but sometimes I just end up lecturing him on how great he his, how the process is screwy and it's not his fault, and how he should be enjoying this. I mean to help, but I'm not sure I'm saying the right things. So I wake every morning around 5am (to go to the bathroom), and I say a little "thanks!" to whoever it is that made it possible that my husband remains asleep beside me. It wasn't too long ago that he was getting up at 5am, leaving me and heading in to a job he hated, driving an hour home through traffic to get here by 7pm. I lose track of the days, only watching the calendar because now weekends mean "stay out of Home Depot" and "when is the Buffy premier?". Come November, I'm guessing the already slow process will shut down completely for the holidays. It will be hard on Andy, but for me...and Muffin...and the cats....we will love our family time. We will treasure each day, knowing it's a blessing. And I will walk in the park, and hold his hand, and smile. 10:48 a.m. - 2002-09-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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