Occasional Fluff


My roommate

We are leaving tomorrow, at the crack of noon, to visit my college roommate. I usually just refer to her as "my roommate", but since it's been 20 years since we've actually, technically, been roommates, sometimes that causes some confusion. I guess my roommate these days is really my husband, but in my heart I still have a Roommate, and we are going to see her this weekend.

We came from very different backgrounds, what with her being a New York Jew and me a sheltered small town mid-western Wasp. When I got to college I didn't even really know what Jews believed in, and was really surprised to find out that we shared half the Bible. And they also believed that Jesus existed! Holy cow! They just didn't believe the whole son of God, resurrection thing, which I guess might mean that I'm pretty much Jewish these days.

Anyway. That took about 10 minutes to straighten out, and then it was on to the really important things like who got the top bunk, did either one of us like to go to parties with boys and booze (boy, was I naive!), and, hey, this thing here in the alley, wouldn't that look great in our dorm room? We bonded over dining hall theft, and I think that pretty much would cement any relationship.

I have known her longer than I haven't known her. We spent a couple years where we didn't speak, and then we started talking again. We never Worked Through what happened, and I'm pretty certain than my viewpoint on it is radically different from hers. In the interest of maintaining our friendship, we don't talk about it. What's the point? Who needs to be right at this late time? This way, we can both feel right, and no one's feelings are hurt again.

She was a few years ahead of me in the house, marriage, children things, and that was hard for me. She had a husband and a baby during a time when I really wanted both and thought both would be impossible. She understood, and waited, and then things came together for me and life moved on. Maybe she was jealous that while she had the husband and babies, I had the world travel. I know that they are planning to take the kids out of school and travel the world for a year or two, so maybe that's her half of my jealousy for her life.

She's been better at keeping in touch than I have, and for that I thank her. I'm much better on email these days, writing notes every day to an email friend of mine. I think my roommate and I would be closer if she were more email-y, but she is more phone-y and I'm more reticent on the phone and yet we still manage to keep in touch.

I'm tired of just a touch, though, and want to go back to hugs and lounging and keeping not just in touch but in contact. In full life contact, with shared jokes and shorthands. So we are going there this weekend, and will toss our kids together and open a bottle of wine and tease our (coincidentally) older husbands. I suspect we will laugh a lot and cry not at all, because we are past crying, weekends with old friends are for fun and not soul searching.

8:52 p.m. - 2007-06-07


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